Faux Stories From Real Pictures
Rugratus-Teenicus – Latin for modern adolescent. Here is an aerial picture of one of the species taken in their most common state in their natural habitat.
Photographed at high noon in broad daylight, this picture shows where the modern adolescent is often found, in a phase of unconsciousness, yet surrounded by the tools of their culture readily at hand. Missing from view in this picture, but currently under the slumbering carcass, is the Blackberry device, which continues to receive a torrid pace of text messages even while the creature appears to be in a state of suspended animation.
Their attraction to plush surroundings is a natural instinct as it supplies not only comfort, but can also withstand a high absorption quotient of drool.
Waking one of these creatures should only be attempted by professionals and never at close range. However, scientific experiments have shown that no amount of prodding, shouting, poking or hitting will awaken the creature. What works best is the distant, almost subtle sound of a refrigerator opening. Although the quiet click of a fridge is almost undetectable in most humans, the combination of the click and the soft distant glow of the fridge’s interior light will bring the Rugratus-Teenicus to an almost instantaneous stop within eight inches of the door in a motion most similar to that of the Roadrunner stopping at birdseed.
Caution: Do not open the fridge if it is not already well stocked. Not having the proper provisions at hand when the modern adolescent surfaces can only lead to a rampage of biblical proportions.
That’s The Stuph – the way I see it
